Forgive Me.

Forgiveness.

Acceptance.

What do these things look like?

Sometimes I look back at my past and think to myself, If only I had made a different decision… 

But, this is not acceptance, nor is it forgiveness.

I give myself permission to make poor decisions sometimes.

That’s one way of looking at it. A friend of mine gave me another way.

Instead of wishing I had done things differently, I can tell myself: The version of me who made that decision didn’t know everything that I know now, but she had my best intention in mind and was doing the best she could with what she had to work with.

Respect yourself enough to know that you have always done the best you could at all times in your life.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

A

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Turn Off The Noise

It’s been 47 days since I’ve written a post. Life has been SO so so insane. It’s been a whirlwind since I left Chicago. Well, actually since I started packing which was shortly after my last post. I packed up all my stuff, and on August 22, 2014, got in my car and drove to Boston stopping in Columbus and D.C. on the way. It’s been 5 weeks of craziness. New city, new apartment, new roommates, new job, new everything. The first few weeks were so hectic I didn’t have a second to just stop and absorb it all. And now I am finally at a point where I am slowing down and taking it all in.

Moving to a new city is a big deal. There is so much to explore, so much to learn. New commute to work. New places to eat. New people to meet.

I’ve learned a great deal about myself in these few weeks. I’ve learned how much I truly and genuinely enjoy my alone time. I’ve learned how much I appreciate the quiet. I’ve not only learned to love silence, but I also need it in my life.

People can be so afraid of solitude. So afraid of silence. Sometimes we wrap ourselves up with business and meaningless noise just so we don’t have to be alone with our thoughts, alone with ourselves. But I know these things are vital to my happiness and my sanity.

Life can be so busy, but it’s so important to take the time to slow down and go within, to listen to those thoughts, to reflect on your life, to just be you.

Live The Life You Want To Live

The American life is interesting.

It’s not always great.

It’s not always bad.

But it is interesting.

We have so much freedom in America. Or at least it seems we do. Or at least we do in comparison to other countries. We have the right to free speech– which really is the most amazing thing. I am forever grateful for this right.

Americans are also given the right to the pursuit of happiness. But, I think this really throws people for a loop. Why? Well, it’s not the right to happiness, but rather, the right to the pursuit of happiness. What does this mean?

I think it means that we have the right to chase after happiness– to go for the gold, to be ambitious, to try and get what we want.

So, is that problematic? Not exactly. Not in and of itself, no. But I do think it throws people off, so to speak, because this chase– this consistent need to achieve and gain something– keeps us in a constant state of motion where we are always after the next goal. We haven’t even stopped to enjoy the kill before we are off attacking our next prey.

I think this is why happiness alludes so many Americans. I speak to America because I am an American and I am not knowledgable enough about other countries and cultures to speak about their levels of happiness and contentment.

I think we all need to stop for a second, or at least slow down, and ask ourselves, “What exactly does the life I want to live look like?” Not the life someone else has or wants– not the life society, the media, or our parents tell us we should want– but the life we actually desire. Maybe that life doesn’t include a million dollars. Is that okay? Fuck yeah, you better believe it is. I think ambition goes a long way, but pure joy that comes from within goes a lot further.

Some people are going to be happy with corporate or office jobs. Other people are going to be happy teaching in a classroom. Some will be happy as painters, writers, and musicians. Some people will be happy working retail or cleaning houses. The point is that we need to do what will make our lives truly content by doing what is naturally calling to us. This is what that freedom– that right that is given to us– could mean. It’s possible that your calling will mean you become a PhD or a CEO. And that’s awesome. But if your calling is to be a mechanic, a stay-at-home mom, or an aspiring artist, then that’s equally awesome.

This same calling can be attributed to all parts of our lives– not just our careers and jobs. It’s in everything. It’s in how you look, what your hobbies are, how you keep your house, etc. You can observe and notice what other people are doing, but ultimately, you need only take what works for you and leave the rest. Be yourself. Be wholly and unabashedly you. And then love every teensy-weensy part of it.

We are all one and we are all in this together. No one is better. No one is worse. We are all equal. Don’t compete for what other people want– just go after what you truly and genuinely want for yourself. Find your calling from within and you can find joy in this life.

Namaste. Xo

Go With The Flow

“I’m in the river now. Let the water carry me along.”

54 days.

It has been 54 days since I’ve written a post. I took the job at the preschool and started my yoga teacher certification, and since then I’ve spent little to no time on my computer. I can’t say that I am surprised I haven’t written, but I can say that part of me feels incredibly disappointed in myself that it has been so long. The other part of me knows that life led me to a place where writing my blog was not much of an option, and so I must accept.

Breath it in– acknowledge it.

Exhale– let it go.

Ahhhhh.

Every day– every moment– is a chance to start anew.

Sometimes my mind races. I think of a million things I need to do, and I scribble them down on a piece of paper, or I just run and do them real quick while in the middle of doing something else. These kinds of junctures in my life can leave me feeling scatterbrained and disorganized.

So, what is the juncture that I am talking about?

Well, I am moving. I am relocating myself, my belongings, my cats– my whole life to a new city. Again! It’s not exactly a brand new city to me, since I have lived there before, but it’s still a new adventure. I am rebuilding my life. I am recreating me. There is a lot of light and love that I’ve built inside of me, though, and it’s all coming with me.

Life can throw you some serious twists and turns, and when you least expect it, too. It’s easy to get caught up in the wrong perspective sometimes, though, and I’ve learned that it’s important to have the right frame of mind with these kinds of things. What I mean is that in the past I’ve considered moving to Boston as “going backwards” because I’ve already lived there and it’s like going back to when I was 23 and starting all over again. But the other side of that coin is that since I am not exactly starting fresh in a new city, I am being welcomed by a host of people who are excited for my return and I can pick up where I left off. It does not have to be negative. It’s exciting and comforting to know the city of Boston and to have friends and family nearby.

The thing about moving is that it’s scary. And duh! Of course it is! Packing up all your things. Saying goodbye. Finding a new apartment. Starting a new job. Maybe even a new career. It’s understandably a big deal. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. I have to let myself feel every single emotion that goes through my body about it all. I wouldn’t be human if I just dealt with it all as a robot. That’s not how we humans work! But of course we can be hard on ourselves sometimes. It’s natural to wish things would hurry up and be done or easier. But we need to slow down. We need to experience. We need to let it all in. And then we can let it all out. We can enjoy the everythings. Even the crazy, unpredictable, emotional, seriously-upsetting moments that make us who we are.

Life is an adventure. Sometimes it’s best to just go with the flow. Remember to breath. Remember to relax and enjoy the ride. Let life change. Be okay with the ups and downs and ebbs and flows.

Here’s to new beginnings, new adventures, rebuilding, recreating, and to living, loving, and laughing.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

-A Xo

 

Acceptance

I accept myself 100%. I am troubled sometimes, yes, but I am learning. My eyes are closed sometimes, yes, but mostly they are open. I have setbacks, yes, but everyday, hour, and moment is a chance to start over. I am starting over. I have strong emotions, yes, but this makes me genuine, passionate, and expressive, and I am learning to express them in healthy ways. This is beauty. I have expectations sometimes, yes, but I am learning to let them go. I worry and have anxiety sometimes, yes, but I am learning to breathe in the present moment. The here and now. I have needs, yes, but I am learning to express them. I still need other people, yes, but it is becoming less and less because I am learning to give myself what I need. My vibration goes negative sometimes, yes, but I am learning to realign it to a more positive vibration. I still get sad sometimes, yes, but I am learning to be happier. I still have more to learn, yes, but I am learning to recognize my improvements and give myself some credit. I don’t have to be perfect because I am perfect just the way I am. I still put my star in other people’s hands sometime, yes, but I am learning to take it back and keep it in my own hands. I reject my experiences sometimes, yes, but I know that Karma has agreements with my soul that have already been made and that I need to accept all of my experiences. I forget to trust the Universe sometimes, yes, but I know that I can trust it and that it’s always taking care of me.

I am lucky.

I am grateful.

I am love.

I am lucky.

I am grateful.

I am love.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

-A Xo

I Love My Soul.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 1.19.55 PMEveryday I ask myself: What do I love about you?

The past couple of months I’ve come up with all sorts of things. Recently, however, I’ve noticed a recurring theme. My soul is f’n kickass. That’s right. I have the coolest, most badass, rocking, awesome, inspirational soul in the world. She’s the best and I love her. (Note: I am referring to her as a female, but that’s only because I am a female. I don’t actually believe my soul has a gender.)

My soul never, ever lets me down. She knows exactly what I need. She will never abandon me. She knows what experiences I need in order to heal and grow. She makes sure that I stay safe, happy, and always learning. My soul is the most dependable and reliable source of energy, growth, and wisdom.

My soul is incredibly intuitive. She’s always been– even when I was a kid. She only lets me feel fear that is real. I don’t have unnecessary fear, but when something is unsafe, I feel an intuitive pull that guides me to a better place. I am so thankful for my intuition. My intuition helps me make the best decisions. I always follow my intuition, my heart– my soul.

I never reject my experiences because I know my soul would never put me in a situation that I didn’t need to be in. I know that Karma has led me to wherever I go. I believe that the lessons I learn are exactly the lessons I need to learn, and that through any challenge I face, there is something for me to gain. I search for these opportunities to grow, and I am rewarded with strength and development. How lucky I am to have a soul that helps me do this.

My soul has endless, boundless, unconditional, unabashed love for me. She reminds me everyday that I am made of pure, divine, unconditional love, and that I have an open heart that is also full and full and FULL of love. I can feel this love every minute of every day. For this I am lucky.

My soul reminds me that while I crave human connection and have boundless love for everyone and everything, I also have all the love I’d ever need right here in my own little heart. My soul will never abandon me, and I will never abandon myself, and because of this, I could never, ever show others how to abandon me either. The love I have in my heart is enough to fill a thousand, thousand hearts and more. I could never stop loving. It will just flow and flow and flow out of me. The gratitude I feel for this is grand. Grand and whole and endless.

With this gratitude, this love, and this energy, I send love, love, and more love out to the rest of the world. I shine my light of love onto everyone. Please join me in my love, for it is pure, divine, and unconditional. And it feels so, so good.

Namaste, ya’ll.

-A Xo

How Do You Love?

Screen Shot 2014-05-29 at 2.32.30 PM

  1. I trust.
  2. I give love without the intention of receiving.
  3. I don’t take things personally.
  4. I am impeccable with my word.
  5. I do not make any assumptions.
  6. I ask questions.
  7. I am clear.
  8. I am honest.
  9. I always do my best.
  10. I accept fully.
  11. I forgive, immediately.
  12. I don’t try to control.
  13. I let myself experience my emotions.
  14. I let things be.
  15. I am grateful.
  16. I listen.
  17. I take good care of myself.
  18. I say “no” when necessary.
  19. I make my own decisions.
  20. I support.
  21. I give space.
  22. I keep learning.
  23. I love myself first.
  24. I don’t fear, worry, or reject.
  25. I observe, notice.
  26. I see everything with love.
  27. I remember that I am love.
  28. I don’t have expectations.
  29. I hold myself responsible.
  30. I know I am not a victim.
  31. I remember I have power.
  32. I give myself credit.
  33. I shine my light.
  34. I do not judge.
  35. I let emotion out in healthy ways.
  36. I remember I’m strong.
  37. I know it’s okay not to be perfect.
  38. I let my soul heal in the ways it needs to.
  39. I meditate.

How do you love?

From Frustration To Forgiveness Part II

stardust

In my last post, I wrote about a day filled with boredom,  frustration, and impatience. Today I want to write about how I think there is MUCH to be gained from a day like that.

After leaving work early that day, filled with resentment for my current job, frustration that potential employers weren’t calling, impatient that yoga teacher training wasn’t starting for 3 [whole!] weeks, I spent the rest of the afternoon playing music. By the time I got home, everything had switched gears for me. I had set my mood right and wonderful things were happening. That night I wrote a note to myself about forgiveness and letting things go. I told myself that it was okay that I was in a shit mood earlier in the day. I allowed myself to forgive. And it’s not that I was forgiving the shit mood exactly, it was more that I was forgiving myself for getting frustrated with my shit mood and putting the expectation on myself that I should have felt differently.

I know the truth is that whatever I am feeling in any given moment is exactly what I am supposed to be feeling. The same goes for whatever I am doing. Whatever I am doing is exactly what I am supposed to be doing at that moment. Wherever I am is exactly where I am supposed to be. It’s all just part of the plan. I don’t have to be mad at myself for feeling shitty. What I can do, though, is notice the emotion, observe it, and then let it go when it’s done. I may not be able to change my feelings, but I can detach from them. I can watch them as they come and go, and I can even be thankful for their existence.

The reason I can be thankful for the boredom and frustration I felt the other day is because it was like bright, flaring lights flashing directly in front of me screaming, “You’re not on the right path!” “Make a different choice!” “Do something differently!” “Take caution!” And you know what? That’s great! What a wonderful gift to be given. I am thankful that I felt something strong enough to influence me to notice something needs to change, and to take action.

I cannot stand boredom. I like being challenged. I crave human connection. These are all things I cannot get at my current job. That does not mean I am not grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to learn, grow, and work where I work– instead, it just means it’s time to move on.

Thank you anger, frustration, boredom, and impatience for helping me realize I need to do something about my professional work life.

Thank you forgiveness for helping me let it go.

As a side note, the next day after my shit mood day, I ended up being offered a preschool teaching position! What wonderful news! I had to weigh the pros and cons, but ultimately, I knew this is what I wanted and I was so very thankful to have the opportunity to make it happen. The funny thing about the Universe is that if you don’t know what you want, it won’t know what to give you. But, the second you are clear with what you want, and you pitch it to the Universe, the Universe hears you and gives it to you. It’s that incredible. All this time I had been really uncertain about what I wanted to do. I thought about quitting my job. I thought about staying. I thought about moving. I thought about not moving. I just had no idea. Then, finally, I just decided. I want to teach preschool for the summer. That’s what I want. I have an idea for the future, yes, but for right now, what I need to focus on is that there are tons of signs pointing towards leaving my current position, and while I do the yoga training this summer, I think it would be a great fit to teach preschool. And you know what? I pitched that clear and concise decision to the Universe, and as soon as it heard it, it gave it to me. Thank you Universe.

How lucky I am to be a part of this wonderful place! :D