Go With The Flow

“I’m in the river now. Let the water carry me along.”

54 days.

It has been 54 days since I’ve written a post. I took the job at the preschool and started my yoga teacher certification, and since then I’ve spent little to no time on my computer. I can’t say that I am surprised I haven’t written, but I can say that part of me feels incredibly disappointed in myself that it has been so long. The other part of me knows that life led me to a place where writing my blog was not much of an option, and so I must accept.

Breath it in– acknowledge it.

Exhale– let it go.

Ahhhhh.

Every day– every moment– is a chance to start anew.

Sometimes my mind races. I think of a million things I need to do, and I scribble them down on a piece of paper, or I just run and do them real quick while in the middle of doing something else. These kinds of junctures in my life can leave me feeling scatterbrained and disorganized.

So, what is the juncture that I am talking about?

Well, I am moving. I am relocating myself, my belongings, my cats– my whole life to a new city. Again! It’s not exactly a brand new city to me, since I have lived there before, but it’s still a new adventure. I am rebuilding my life. I am recreating me. There is a lot of light and love that I’ve built inside of me, though, and it’s all coming with me.

Life can throw you some serious twists and turns, and when you least expect it, too. It’s easy to get caught up in the wrong perspective sometimes, though, and I’ve learned that it’s important to have the right frame of mind with these kinds of things. What I mean is that in the past I’ve considered moving to Boston as “going backwards” because I’ve already lived there and it’s like going back to when I was 23 and starting all over again. But the other side of that coin is that since I am not exactly starting fresh in a new city, I am being welcomed by a host of people who are excited for my return and I can pick up where I left off. It does not have to be negative. It’s exciting and comforting to know the city of Boston and to have friends and family nearby.

The thing about moving is that it’s scary. And duh! Of course it is! Packing up all your things. Saying goodbye. Finding a new apartment. Starting a new job. Maybe even a new career. It’s understandably a big deal. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. I have to let myself feel every single emotion that goes through my body about it all. I wouldn’t be human if I just dealt with it all as a robot. That’s not how we humans work! But of course we can be hard on ourselves sometimes. It’s natural to wish things would hurry up and be done or easier. But we need to slow down. We need to experience. We need to let it all in. And then we can let it all out. We can enjoy the everythings. Even the crazy, unpredictable, emotional, seriously-upsetting moments that make us who we are.

Life is an adventure. Sometimes it’s best to just go with the flow. Remember to breath. Remember to relax and enjoy the ride. Let life change. Be okay with the ups and downs and ebbs and flows.

Here’s to new beginnings, new adventures, rebuilding, recreating, and to living, loving, and laughing.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

-A Xo

 

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From Frustration To Forgiveness Part II

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In my last post, I wrote about a day filled with boredom,  frustration, and impatience. Today I want to write about how I think there is MUCH to be gained from a day like that.

After leaving work early that day, filled with resentment for my current job, frustration that potential employers weren’t calling, impatient that yoga teacher training wasn’t starting for 3 [whole!] weeks, I spent the rest of the afternoon playing music. By the time I got home, everything had switched gears for me. I had set my mood right and wonderful things were happening. That night I wrote a note to myself about forgiveness and letting things go. I told myself that it was okay that I was in a shit mood earlier in the day. I allowed myself to forgive. And it’s not that I was forgiving the shit mood exactly, it was more that I was forgiving myself for getting frustrated with my shit mood and putting the expectation on myself that I should have felt differently.

I know the truth is that whatever I am feeling in any given moment is exactly what I am supposed to be feeling. The same goes for whatever I am doing. Whatever I am doing is exactly what I am supposed to be doing at that moment. Wherever I am is exactly where I am supposed to be. It’s all just part of the plan. I don’t have to be mad at myself for feeling shitty. What I can do, though, is notice the emotion, observe it, and then let it go when it’s done. I may not be able to change my feelings, but I can detach from them. I can watch them as they come and go, and I can even be thankful for their existence.

The reason I can be thankful for the boredom and frustration I felt the other day is because it was like bright, flaring lights flashing directly in front of me screaming, “You’re not on the right path!” “Make a different choice!” “Do something differently!” “Take caution!” And you know what? That’s great! What a wonderful gift to be given. I am thankful that I felt something strong enough to influence me to notice something needs to change, and to take action.

I cannot stand boredom. I like being challenged. I crave human connection. These are all things I cannot get at my current job. That does not mean I am not grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to learn, grow, and work where I work– instead, it just means it’s time to move on.

Thank you anger, frustration, boredom, and impatience for helping me realize I need to do something about my professional work life.

Thank you forgiveness for helping me let it go.

As a side note, the next day after my shit mood day, I ended up being offered a preschool teaching position! What wonderful news! I had to weigh the pros and cons, but ultimately, I knew this is what I wanted and I was so very thankful to have the opportunity to make it happen. The funny thing about the Universe is that if you don’t know what you want, it won’t know what to give you. But, the second you are clear with what you want, and you pitch it to the Universe, the Universe hears you and gives it to you. It’s that incredible. All this time I had been really uncertain about what I wanted to do. I thought about quitting my job. I thought about staying. I thought about moving. I thought about not moving. I just had no idea. Then, finally, I just decided. I want to teach preschool for the summer. That’s what I want. I have an idea for the future, yes, but for right now, what I need to focus on is that there are tons of signs pointing towards leaving my current position, and while I do the yoga training this summer, I think it would be a great fit to teach preschool. And you know what? I pitched that clear and concise decision to the Universe, and as soon as it heard it, it gave it to me. Thank you Universe.

How lucky I am to be a part of this wonderful place! :D

Decision-Making: What’s this now?

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Part of self-love is being confident in your decision-making.

I’ve been thinking about the concept of “decision-making” a whole ton lately. How do I know if I’m making good decisions? If I make a decision, and a not-so-great consequence happens, do I conclude then that I am not a good decision-maker? Does it mean that maybe I just don’t know how to make decisions at all?

But if everyone makes “mistakes” and we all find ourselves faced with negative consequences from time to time (since we all know that is a part of life), then what does good decision-making look like?

Here’s what I’ve come up with: (Feel free to share your thoughts)

Making good decisions means following my heart at the time the decision is being made. Whatever my heart tells me to do, that’s the good decision. Another word for heart may be intuition. Each of has our own unique way of following our hearts/intuition. Call it whatever you want, I believe the concept is the same.

I know there are people who will disagree with this. They may say that we need our brains, our minds, more than anything. However, I believe if we use our minds too much, our egos may err on the side of worry and fear and consider the future or past experiences too much.

What I have to say is this: I believe the heart does this kind of juicy stuff anyway, but in a less ego-like way. I believe the heart considers the past, the present, and the future while it’s guiding you into making a decision. I think the heart knows to consider what you’ve learned from experiences in the past and your heart is mindful of your future self, and it has the ability to connect these two states to the present moment, to the here and now, and then it allows you to know what it best for you.

What this translates to is that if you’ve been following your heart when making your decisions, then you don’t need to question what you’ve done in the past, what you are doing right now, or what you are going to do in the future because each and every one of the decisions that got you here were all right.

“Mistakes” are only opportunities to learn and grow. They are not reasons a decision shouldn’t have been made. Hogwash! “Mistakes” are not reasons something shouldn’t have happened. What hooey! “Mistakes” just indicate there is something to be gained and learned, and that it’s time to choose differently.

Align your truth with your heart and you will always get to where you are supposed to be. It’s then that we can be safe and secure and know we are making good decisions. If you are following your heart right now, then this is exactly where you are supposed to be. If you’re experiencing a “mistake” then ask yourself what you can learn (and keep in mind that the shadow is just part of the journey).

When we find our truths and align it with our hearts, we can be anywhere we want to be.

In conclusion, if I my life by this value, living my truth and following my heart, then I really cannot make poor decisions and there really is no such thing as bad decision-making.

How do I find my truth? I find my truth by doing my best, taking responsibility for myself, working towards an even better version of myself, all the while loving and forgiving myself and those around me deeply.

To all the self-lover discoverers out there!

Cheers, tears, and love,

-A xo

I don’t only love, I am love.

I Choose These Thoughts

“When one begins to move in the direction of their dreams, a whole host of unexpected things begin to happen that were unthought of in the moment they decided to move.”

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1. Hold the vision, the intention in your mind in terms of the end. Not worrying about how you’re going to get there, that’s for the universe to figure out.

2. Starting point! Step out into the world. When we show up, even though we don’t know the direction we are moving, even though it seems inefficient. the setbacks, the flaws, they are all steps to your arrival.

It’s not until the final seconds that realize you’re there. There are miracles everywhere! It’s always working. Everyone day you get closer. Stick with it. Even though today looks like yesterday. Until suddenly you’re there. Stay the course! Even though sometimes you don’t see the miracles, they will be clear in hindsight after you arrive.

Walk around as if everything is a miracle. Same concerns for all humans. But we practice. We are all amazing! We all have doubts. “If I worry, I worry.” I can’t stop the fear, but I can read and think about what I know to be true. Life is a supernatural gift. I know that we are spiritual beings. We are literally all miracles. Worry and fear are natural in the primitive times we live. We need to cut ourselves some slack. Confidence to not give up in spite of the fear. Doesn’t make the fear go away, but it manages it. If I worry, I worry, but I hold my head high and act as if I wasn’t afraid and move in the direction of my dreams.

“If you do what you can with what you have from where you are it will always be enough.” It always works. Life is beautiful. We all have  an innate inclination to succeed. We always feel that everything seems inadequate, but it’s always more than enough. In spite of worry and fear, we always prevail.

What is it that you want? Once you can conclude, you start taking baby steps. You show up and you know the inevitability.

“Don’t attach to details. All details are unimportant. The details can excite you but the bigger picture is what we really care about.”

The truth: we all have default settings for friendship, laughter, and success so that we can even worry and be negligent and then be blindsided that the dots being connected for us.

Ultimate goal: happiness – (move towards) health, friendship, clarity, laughter, money … you don’t have to think of these things, they will still come into our lives– that’s how inclined we are to succeed. There is so much love, we are so powerful. Even the humblest of efforts will land anyone on their feet in the direction they are inspired to move.

Where you are is not who you are. You are infinitely more. You get to decide where your going regardless of you where you’ve been. You have an innate inclination to succeed. Don’t worry about your fear or negativity, just do what you can with what you’ve got. Hold on to the vision.

“Your thoughts become things… so choose the good ones!”

“Sometimes when things take longer than you thought they would, it’s just a gentle reminder from your greater yourself that you have more time than you thought and that there’s a journey to enjoy.”

The Four Agreements:

1. I am impeccable with my word. (No more talking poorly about ourselves or others!)

2. I don’t take anything personally. (What other people say and do is a projection of who they are!)

3. I don’t make assumptions. (Don’t assume I know and understand what people mean. Find the courage to ask questions!)

4. Always do your best! (And your best changes from day to day.)

Enjoy the path traveled and you’ll get to the destination! Be okay with being messy, with being a disaster before becoming a master. Enjoy the action without expectation of a reward. HAVE fun and do what you love in life! Do what you love, not what you get paid the most for. Enjoy the action! Live in the moment and have patience with yourself. Do your best. Always ask yourself, “Is this my absolute best right now?”

Be patient with other people. Be patient with yourself! ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST!

Immediate forgiveness. Become immune to the opinions and actions of others. Don’t harbor anger or disappointment. “It’s like drinking poison and then expecting them to die!” Whatever people say and do is a projection of themselves. We become so much more powerful when we don’t take things people say or do. Be gentle with people.

Be the change we want to see in the world.

Environment is stronger than will power. People get sucked into negativity. My wealth can only grow to the extent in which I am willing to grow myself. 

Connect the dot that life is beautiful, that there is divine order. Everything is a miracle. Connect the dots you need but don’t connect dots you can’t connect.

If you want change, define the result. Don’t worry about the hows, just figure out the destination. But that doesn’t mean don’t take action. Take lots of massive action! Dream up your end results… let them be general, not encumbered with details. Everyday, do stuff, but not the cursed hows. Do the best you can and then turn it over your greater self, to the universe. Work smart. Make yourself available to life’s magic. Network, mingle, try websites, ask for help, speak, find out where it feels good. Find out where it feels lousy. Knock on all the doors. Keep trying different things. Where things work, you find progress.

“Have your dreams and show up every single day. Be prepared to be astounded!”

Don’t base conclusions only on things you can see. Miracles are happening everyday that we cannot see. Don’t draw conclusions with our physical senses. Everything will look the same. Don’t draw the conclusion that it’s not working. It’s working for you right now! Everyday you get closer. Everyday it gets easier. Hang in there despite of appearances. You’re powerful. You’re not broken. Keep showing up!

Negative thoughts don’t stand much of a chance against our natural optimism that we don’t even give ourselves credit for having. Positive thoughts align so much more with our natural selves.”

“Where you are is never who you are. You are infinitely more.”

Step towards the light. How do we start? Take what’s good and reject the rest. On a dime, you can wake up to the truth. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Choose the least sucky option and go! Just don’t wait. Don’t worry about hows. Say yes. Have a great attitude. Take micro baby steps.

Know what the truth is. When you know what the truth is, you are free from guilt, you are free from confusion and you immediately begin gravitating towards who you really are. You may seem lost at first. But you honor who you are and who emerges as you discover who you are. You follow your heart and it gets easier and easier and easier. You are inclined to succeed.

These words are inspired by Mike Dooley with Notes of the Universe. What a truly lovely and inspiring human being.

A Moment of Clarity

Moments of clarity cannot be rushed. They cannot be forced. They cannot be tricked into coming before they are ready. They have to just happen.

Sometimes I try to rush them. I attribute this to my ego, my mind, always wanting to know what’s going on, wanting to understand. But sometimes the reality is we just have to let go. We have to let go of the desire to understand everything right away.

And then!

Then when we least expect it… it comes! For me it often comes a the form of a little, uncontrollable giggle. A moment of clarity, a revelation, an understanding about yourself, someone else, or the world. We are all interconnected so when you gain an understanding of one, you simultaneously gain an understanding of everything else.

The most important thing in this world is the relationship people have with themselves. Trust, love, compassion, patience, friendship – all of this is vital to have with yourself. Of course you want it with other people, and it will come naturally, once you have it with yourself.

My moments of clarity lately have been about myself and my desires, my true wants and needs. I’ve always questioned myself. We all do. We are conditioned to do this so of course we do. And sometimes it’s okay. Asking yourself questions is a great thing. It’s when we doubt ourselves that we are creating discomfort for ourselves. As if someone else could know what is better for you than you. Who could possibly know what you need more than yourself? No one. And for me, this took time to realize. Maybe this comes from growing up the youngest, and the only girl (not that is blame or pointing fingers, just something to notice and think about for me).

I am not sure it really matters where it comes from. The reality is that it’s here. But people can’t make decisions for me. I must be able to trust myself and make decisions and know what is best for me. I am the only one that could possibly do this job.

Confusion and Questions

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Confusion is confusing.

Following our gut is confusing.

Intuition, feelings, thoughts, worry, anxiety, fear. All confusing.

Not knowing what to trust. Confusing.

My mind feels like it could just burst from confusion.

I have to trust myself. I have to trust my gut. I have to trust that I can be okay. I have to trust that I am strong. I have to trust that I am powerful. I have to trust that I am the master of my universe.

My questions:

Why trust anxiety?

Why trust fear?

Why trust worry more than trusting love?

Why not trust love?

Why not trust pure, unabashed love?

What are we so afraid of?

Are we conditioned to believe love cannot be pure?

Why do we fear so much?

Does worry really prevent bad from happening? Can it simultaneously prevent some good from happening?

I will go meditate on this. Let go. Love. Release. Love. I love you.

Namaste.

Goodbye

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Today I am making a choice.

Today I choose that I will NO LONGER have anxiety.

I rid myself of it. Starting today. No more.

I have been making excuses for my anxiety. I have been rationalizing my anxiety. I have been forgiving of my anxiety. I have even been THANKFUL for my anxiety.

But starting today, I do not want it in my life. Today I am done with it.

I am powerful. I am strong. I am the master of my universe.

Today I decide that I do not want anxiety. And today will be the day that I no longer have anxiety.

I am thankful for any and all knowledge I have gained from having it in the past, and with that acknowledgment and gratitude, I rid myself of it.

See ya! Sayonara! Farewell! Adiós!

Peace!

 

Namaste. :)

Love Overflowing

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Have you ever felt like love is literally pouring out of you?

That is how I feel right now. I am literally filled with so much love, happiness, and joy that it is seeping out of the pores of my body.

Nothing happened. Nothing changed. Well, that’s not exactly true. Something big happened last night (my niece was born!) so I am sure that is contributing to my love today. BUT, nothing happened in the last few minutes to fill my heart with as much love as it has right now.

It just happened. It’s more like I just noticed it. I noticed the massive amount of love in my heart, my soul, my bones. It’s in my gut. I have SO much love right now.

I think people intentionally stop themselves from living with this much love. I think people are afraid of love sometimes. Maybe this stems from a fear of being hurt, or a fear that someone may not love you back. But I challenge this thinking. My love is so pure and so real and so gentle that it is not there because of its desire to be loved back. The love just exists on its own! It’s amazing. It’s an amazing feeling. Wow. It’s so pure. My guess is that love that is there solely to be loved back is not real, true, genuine love. A love that is filled with fear is also not real love.

When you put yourself out there, you run the risk of getting hurt, sure. But when you simultaneously tell yourself (and truly believe) that you can handle ANY and ALL consequences that may arise, you are so much freer. It is liberating not to live in fear. It is liberating to have confidence and to know that you can handle anything. Because you can! We are all warriors. We are all so strong. Think about how much people have endured. Challenges only make us stronger. We are such lucky creatures. We can love and love and love and love and love. We can have an abundance of love. And we don’t need anything in return. We can just love. And it can just feel that good.

Hmm… my heart is filled with love. It is warm and wonderful. My heart feels safe and protected because it is surrounded by beautiful, beautiful love.

Is there anything strong enough to pierce through love?

I guess that will be something this experiment can help me find out. But I am feeling so confident right now that I am not afraid of that.

More Soul Challenges

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It’s an interesting time for me. Lots of transitions. Lots of soul tests. Lots of challenges.

But, alas, I am trying to be thankful for the challenges. I don’t need to question them. I could just accept them. And more than that, I could embrace them and be thankful for them. They are happening for a reason, a reason that although my ego doesn’t always understand (though I give it credit for trying!), my soul knows. My soul understands. My soul knows what it’s doing. I am thankful to my soul for taking care of me.

I own this challenge. I take responsibility for this challenge. It is no one’s fault; there is no blame. This doesn’t have to be seen as a bad thing. Challenges build strength. I am thankful for the opportunity to become stronger.

Focus on what can be learned.

Focus on what can be learned.

Focus on what can be learned.