Forgive Me.

Forgiveness.

Acceptance.

What do these things look like?

Sometimes I look back at my past and think to myself, If only I had made a different decision… 

But, this is not acceptance, nor is it forgiveness.

I give myself permission to make poor decisions sometimes.

That’s one way of looking at it. A friend of mine gave me another way.

Instead of wishing I had done things differently, I can tell myself: The version of me who made that decision didn’t know everything that I know now, but she had my best intention in mind and was doing the best she could with what she had to work with.

Respect yourself enough to know that you have always done the best you could at all times in your life.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

A

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Turn Off The Noise

It’s been 47 days since I’ve written a post. Life has been SO so so insane. It’s been a whirlwind since I left Chicago. Well, actually since I started packing which was shortly after my last post. I packed up all my stuff, and on August 22, 2014, got in my car and drove to Boston stopping in Columbus and D.C. on the way. It’s been 5 weeks of craziness. New city, new apartment, new roommates, new job, new everything. The first few weeks were so hectic I didn’t have a second to just stop and absorb it all. And now I am finally at a point where I am slowing down and taking it all in.

Moving to a new city is a big deal. There is so much to explore, so much to learn. New commute to work. New places to eat. New people to meet.

I’ve learned a great deal about myself in these few weeks. I’ve learned how much I truly and genuinely enjoy my alone time. I’ve learned how much I appreciate the quiet. I’ve not only learned to love silence, but I also need it in my life.

People can be so afraid of solitude. So afraid of silence. Sometimes we wrap ourselves up with business and meaningless noise just so we don’t have to be alone with our thoughts, alone with ourselves. But I know these things are vital to my happiness and my sanity.

Life can be so busy, but it’s so important to take the time to slow down and go within, to listen to those thoughts, to reflect on your life, to just be you.

Live The Life You Want To Live

The American life is interesting.

It’s not always great.

It’s not always bad.

But it is interesting.

We have so much freedom in America. Or at least it seems we do. Or at least we do in comparison to other countries. We have the right to free speech– which really is the most amazing thing. I am forever grateful for this right.

Americans are also given the right to the pursuit of happiness. But, I think this really throws people for a loop. Why? Well, it’s not the right to happiness, but rather, the right to the pursuit of happiness. What does this mean?

I think it means that we have the right to chase after happiness– to go for the gold, to be ambitious, to try and get what we want.

So, is that problematic? Not exactly. Not in and of itself, no. But I do think it throws people off, so to speak, because this chase– this consistent need to achieve and gain something– keeps us in a constant state of motion where we are always after the next goal. We haven’t even stopped to enjoy the kill before we are off attacking our next prey.

I think this is why happiness alludes so many Americans. I speak to America because I am an American and I am not knowledgable enough about other countries and cultures to speak about their levels of happiness and contentment.

I think we all need to stop for a second, or at least slow down, and ask ourselves, “What exactly does the life I want to live look like?” Not the life someone else has or wants– not the life society, the media, or our parents tell us we should want– but the life we actually desire. Maybe that life doesn’t include a million dollars. Is that okay? Fuck yeah, you better believe it is. I think ambition goes a long way, but pure joy that comes from within goes a lot further.

Some people are going to be happy with corporate or office jobs. Other people are going to be happy teaching in a classroom. Some will be happy as painters, writers, and musicians. Some people will be happy working retail or cleaning houses. The point is that we need to do what will make our lives truly content by doing what is naturally calling to us. This is what that freedom– that right that is given to us– could mean. It’s possible that your calling will mean you become a PhD or a CEO. And that’s awesome. But if your calling is to be a mechanic, a stay-at-home mom, or an aspiring artist, then that’s equally awesome.

This same calling can be attributed to all parts of our lives– not just our careers and jobs. It’s in everything. It’s in how you look, what your hobbies are, how you keep your house, etc. You can observe and notice what other people are doing, but ultimately, you need only take what works for you and leave the rest. Be yourself. Be wholly and unabashedly you. And then love every teensy-weensy part of it.

We are all one and we are all in this together. No one is better. No one is worse. We are all equal. Don’t compete for what other people want– just go after what you truly and genuinely want for yourself. Find your calling from within and you can find joy in this life.

Namaste. Xo

Acceptance

I accept myself 100%. I am troubled sometimes, yes, but I am learning. My eyes are closed sometimes, yes, but mostly they are open. I have setbacks, yes, but everyday, hour, and moment is a chance to start over. I am starting over. I have strong emotions, yes, but this makes me genuine, passionate, and expressive, and I am learning to express them in healthy ways. This is beauty. I have expectations sometimes, yes, but I am learning to let them go. I worry and have anxiety sometimes, yes, but I am learning to breathe in the present moment. The here and now. I have needs, yes, but I am learning to express them. I still need other people, yes, but it is becoming less and less because I am learning to give myself what I need. My vibration goes negative sometimes, yes, but I am learning to realign it to a more positive vibration. I still get sad sometimes, yes, but I am learning to be happier. I still have more to learn, yes, but I am learning to recognize my improvements and give myself some credit. I don’t have to be perfect because I am perfect just the way I am. I still put my star in other people’s hands sometime, yes, but I am learning to take it back and keep it in my own hands. I reject my experiences sometimes, yes, but I know that Karma has agreements with my soul that have already been made and that I need to accept all of my experiences. I forget to trust the Universe sometimes, yes, but I know that I can trust it and that it’s always taking care of me.

I am lucky.

I am grateful.

I am love.

I am lucky.

I am grateful.

I am love.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

-A Xo

I Love My Soul.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 1.19.55 PMEveryday I ask myself: What do I love about you?

The past couple of months I’ve come up with all sorts of things. Recently, however, I’ve noticed a recurring theme. My soul is f’n kickass. That’s right. I have the coolest, most badass, rocking, awesome, inspirational soul in the world. She’s the best and I love her. (Note: I am referring to her as a female, but that’s only because I am a female. I don’t actually believe my soul has a gender.)

My soul never, ever lets me down. She knows exactly what I need. She will never abandon me. She knows what experiences I need in order to heal and grow. She makes sure that I stay safe, happy, and always learning. My soul is the most dependable and reliable source of energy, growth, and wisdom.

My soul is incredibly intuitive. She’s always been– even when I was a kid. She only lets me feel fear that is real. I don’t have unnecessary fear, but when something is unsafe, I feel an intuitive pull that guides me to a better place. I am so thankful for my intuition. My intuition helps me make the best decisions. I always follow my intuition, my heart– my soul.

I never reject my experiences because I know my soul would never put me in a situation that I didn’t need to be in. I know that Karma has led me to wherever I go. I believe that the lessons I learn are exactly the lessons I need to learn, and that through any challenge I face, there is something for me to gain. I search for these opportunities to grow, and I am rewarded with strength and development. How lucky I am to have a soul that helps me do this.

My soul has endless, boundless, unconditional, unabashed love for me. She reminds me everyday that I am made of pure, divine, unconditional love, and that I have an open heart that is also full and full and FULL of love. I can feel this love every minute of every day. For this I am lucky.

My soul reminds me that while I crave human connection and have boundless love for everyone and everything, I also have all the love I’d ever need right here in my own little heart. My soul will never abandon me, and I will never abandon myself, and because of this, I could never, ever show others how to abandon me either. The love I have in my heart is enough to fill a thousand, thousand hearts and more. I could never stop loving. It will just flow and flow and flow out of me. The gratitude I feel for this is grand. Grand and whole and endless.

With this gratitude, this love, and this energy, I send love, love, and more love out to the rest of the world. I shine my light of love onto everyone. Please join me in my love, for it is pure, divine, and unconditional. And it feels so, so good.

Namaste, ya’ll.

-A Xo

How Do You Love?

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  1. I trust.
  2. I give love without the intention of receiving.
  3. I don’t take things personally.
  4. I am impeccable with my word.
  5. I do not make any assumptions.
  6. I ask questions.
  7. I am clear.
  8. I am honest.
  9. I always do my best.
  10. I accept fully.
  11. I forgive, immediately.
  12. I don’t try to control.
  13. I let myself experience my emotions.
  14. I let things be.
  15. I am grateful.
  16. I listen.
  17. I take good care of myself.
  18. I say “no” when necessary.
  19. I make my own decisions.
  20. I support.
  21. I give space.
  22. I keep learning.
  23. I love myself first.
  24. I don’t fear, worry, or reject.
  25. I observe, notice.
  26. I see everything with love.
  27. I remember that I am love.
  28. I don’t have expectations.
  29. I hold myself responsible.
  30. I know I am not a victim.
  31. I remember I have power.
  32. I give myself credit.
  33. I shine my light.
  34. I do not judge.
  35. I let emotion out in healthy ways.
  36. I remember I’m strong.
  37. I know it’s okay not to be perfect.
  38. I let my soul heal in the ways it needs to.
  39. I meditate.

How do you love?

A Moment of Clarity

Moments of clarity cannot be rushed. They cannot be forced. They cannot be tricked into coming before they are ready. They have to just happen.

Sometimes I try to rush them. I attribute this to my ego, my mind, always wanting to know what’s going on, wanting to understand. But sometimes the reality is we just have to let go. We have to let go of the desire to understand everything right away.

And then!

Then when we least expect it… it comes! For me it often comes a the form of a little, uncontrollable giggle. A moment of clarity, a revelation, an understanding about yourself, someone else, or the world. We are all interconnected so when you gain an understanding of one, you simultaneously gain an understanding of everything else.

The most important thing in this world is the relationship people have with themselves. Trust, love, compassion, patience, friendship – all of this is vital to have with yourself. Of course you want it with other people, and it will come naturally, once you have it with yourself.

My moments of clarity lately have been about myself and my desires, my true wants and needs. I’ve always questioned myself. We all do. We are conditioned to do this so of course we do. And sometimes it’s okay. Asking yourself questions is a great thing. It’s when we doubt ourselves that we are creating discomfort for ourselves. As if someone else could know what is better for you than you. Who could possibly know what you need more than yourself? No one. And for me, this took time to realize. Maybe this comes from growing up the youngest, and the only girl (not that is blame or pointing fingers, just something to notice and think about for me).

I am not sure it really matters where it comes from. The reality is that it’s here. But people can’t make decisions for me. I must be able to trust myself and make decisions and know what is best for me. I am the only one that could possibly do this job.

Unabashed Love

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Here I am again today, filled with love and more love.

Love and more love. Pure, unabashed love.

I can feel it in my toes all the way through my entire body up through my neck and my mouth. I am breathing in love. I am breathing out love.

I let it in and I let it out. I am full and full of love.

It’s so soft and smooth and warm. It feels like a baby’s skin. Baby skin is love. Love is baby skin.

I am love. You are love. We are all love.

All people are made of love. We are made from love. Not just romantic love, but pure, unabashed, unadulterated love.

Sometimes I think we don’t have the language to express the love we are made of.

But I can feel it. I can sense it. I know what it is without necessarily being able to express it. It makes me smile. It makes me giggle. It feels good. It is love and it is beautiful.

What does love feel like to you?

Healing Stones

myhealingstonesFrom all negative there is positive.

I always learn so much about myself whenever I go through something difficult, big or small. I find myself thankful for any and all challenges because I know I am going to come out stronger in the end. I know there will be so much gained and that my future self will be better off.

Today I bought some crystals. When I first went into the store, my mind desired to read a book, and then pick out the ones that I thought I needed. The store owner suggested that, instead, I close my eyes, take a deep a breath, and upon opening my eyes, find the one that stands out to me first. That would be what I truly needed, and not the one that my mind (the ego) thinks it needs.

Well, when I did this, I picked out two stones that although appeared different in color both turned out to be Bloodstone. Who am I to deny that my mind, body, and spirit are craving Bloodstone if I could pick it out two times without even trying?

Bloodstone has an effect of preventing high blood pressure, cleansing the body, and aiding in decision-making. I feel very good about these effects, and I will try meditation with my new pieces tonight.

I picked out one more stone without reading its description and it turned out to be Carnelian. Carnelian releases sorrow, envy, fear, apathy, rage, and past life work. Again, I feel very good about these effects.

Today I truly had an “I” day, and it has really been a great day. Almost every day I face some kind of challenge with anxiety, but I always keep in mind that once it surpasses, I will feel even stronger than I already do. And I feel like a warrior already. Maybe the Bloodstone’s healing power in prevention of high-blood pressure is related to my anxiety. Either way, I feel good about trying it.

Happy Sunday!

Namaste.