Forgive Me.

Forgiveness.

Acceptance.

What do these things look like?

Sometimes I look back at my past and think to myself, If only I had made a different decision… 

But, this is not acceptance, nor is it forgiveness.

I give myself permission to make poor decisions sometimes.

That’s one way of looking at it. A friend of mine gave me another way.

Instead of wishing I had done things differently, I can tell myself: The version of me who made that decision didn’t know everything that I know now, but she had my best intention in mind and was doing the best she could with what she had to work with.

Respect yourself enough to know that you have always done the best you could at all times in your life.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

A

Advertisements

Turn Off The Noise

It’s been 47 days since I’ve written a post. Life has been SO so so insane. It’s been a whirlwind since I left Chicago. Well, actually since I started packing which was shortly after my last post. I packed up all my stuff, and on August 22, 2014, got in my car and drove to Boston stopping in Columbus and D.C. on the way. It’s been 5 weeks of craziness. New city, new apartment, new roommates, new job, new everything. The first few weeks were so hectic I didn’t have a second to just stop and absorb it all. And now I am finally at a point where I am slowing down and taking it all in.

Moving to a new city is a big deal. There is so much to explore, so much to learn. New commute to work. New places to eat. New people to meet.

I’ve learned a great deal about myself in these few weeks. I’ve learned how much I truly and genuinely enjoy my alone time. I’ve learned how much I appreciate the quiet. I’ve not only learned to love silence, but I also need it in my life.

People can be so afraid of solitude. So afraid of silence. Sometimes we wrap ourselves up with business and meaningless noise just so we don’t have to be alone with our thoughts, alone with ourselves. But I know these things are vital to my happiness and my sanity.

Life can be so busy, but it’s so important to take the time to slow down and go within, to listen to those thoughts, to reflect on your life, to just be you.

Go With The Flow

“I’m in the river now. Let the water carry me along.”

54 days.

It has been 54 days since I’ve written a post. I took the job at the preschool and started my yoga teacher certification, and since then I’ve spent little to no time on my computer. I can’t say that I am surprised I haven’t written, but I can say that part of me feels incredibly disappointed in myself that it has been so long. The other part of me knows that life led me to a place where writing my blog was not much of an option, and so I must accept.

Breath it in– acknowledge it.

Exhale– let it go.

Ahhhhh.

Every day– every moment– is a chance to start anew.

Sometimes my mind races. I think of a million things I need to do, and I scribble them down on a piece of paper, or I just run and do them real quick while in the middle of doing something else. These kinds of junctures in my life can leave me feeling scatterbrained and disorganized.

So, what is the juncture that I am talking about?

Well, I am moving. I am relocating myself, my belongings, my cats– my whole life to a new city. Again! It’s not exactly a brand new city to me, since I have lived there before, but it’s still a new adventure. I am rebuilding my life. I am recreating me. There is a lot of light and love that I’ve built inside of me, though, and it’s all coming with me.

Life can throw you some serious twists and turns, and when you least expect it, too. It’s easy to get caught up in the wrong perspective sometimes, though, and I’ve learned that it’s important to have the right frame of mind with these kinds of things. What I mean is that in the past I’ve considered moving to Boston as “going backwards” because I’ve already lived there and it’s like going back to when I was 23 and starting all over again. But the other side of that coin is that since I am not exactly starting fresh in a new city, I am being welcomed by a host of people who are excited for my return and I can pick up where I left off. It does not have to be negative. It’s exciting and comforting to know the city of Boston and to have friends and family nearby.

The thing about moving is that it’s scary. And duh! Of course it is! Packing up all your things. Saying goodbye. Finding a new apartment. Starting a new job. Maybe even a new career. It’s understandably a big deal. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. I have to let myself feel every single emotion that goes through my body about it all. I wouldn’t be human if I just dealt with it all as a robot. That’s not how we humans work! But of course we can be hard on ourselves sometimes. It’s natural to wish things would hurry up and be done or easier. But we need to slow down. We need to experience. We need to let it all in. And then we can let it all out. We can enjoy the everythings. Even the crazy, unpredictable, emotional, seriously-upsetting moments that make us who we are.

Life is an adventure. Sometimes it’s best to just go with the flow. Remember to breath. Remember to relax and enjoy the ride. Let life change. Be okay with the ups and downs and ebbs and flows.

Here’s to new beginnings, new adventures, rebuilding, recreating, and to living, loving, and laughing.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

-A Xo

 

From Frustration To Forgiveness Part II

stardust

In my last post, I wrote about a day filled with boredom,  frustration, and impatience. Today I want to write about how I think there is MUCH to be gained from a day like that.

After leaving work early that day, filled with resentment for my current job, frustration that potential employers weren’t calling, impatient that yoga teacher training wasn’t starting for 3 [whole!] weeks, I spent the rest of the afternoon playing music. By the time I got home, everything had switched gears for me. I had set my mood right and wonderful things were happening. That night I wrote a note to myself about forgiveness and letting things go. I told myself that it was okay that I was in a shit mood earlier in the day. I allowed myself to forgive. And it’s not that I was forgiving the shit mood exactly, it was more that I was forgiving myself for getting frustrated with my shit mood and putting the expectation on myself that I should have felt differently.

I know the truth is that whatever I am feeling in any given moment is exactly what I am supposed to be feeling. The same goes for whatever I am doing. Whatever I am doing is exactly what I am supposed to be doing at that moment. Wherever I am is exactly where I am supposed to be. It’s all just part of the plan. I don’t have to be mad at myself for feeling shitty. What I can do, though, is notice the emotion, observe it, and then let it go when it’s done. I may not be able to change my feelings, but I can detach from them. I can watch them as they come and go, and I can even be thankful for their existence.

The reason I can be thankful for the boredom and frustration I felt the other day is because it was like bright, flaring lights flashing directly in front of me screaming, “You’re not on the right path!” “Make a different choice!” “Do something differently!” “Take caution!” And you know what? That’s great! What a wonderful gift to be given. I am thankful that I felt something strong enough to influence me to notice something needs to change, and to take action.

I cannot stand boredom. I like being challenged. I crave human connection. These are all things I cannot get at my current job. That does not mean I am not grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to learn, grow, and work where I work– instead, it just means it’s time to move on.

Thank you anger, frustration, boredom, and impatience for helping me realize I need to do something about my professional work life.

Thank you forgiveness for helping me let it go.

As a side note, the next day after my shit mood day, I ended up being offered a preschool teaching position! What wonderful news! I had to weigh the pros and cons, but ultimately, I knew this is what I wanted and I was so very thankful to have the opportunity to make it happen. The funny thing about the Universe is that if you don’t know what you want, it won’t know what to give you. But, the second you are clear with what you want, and you pitch it to the Universe, the Universe hears you and gives it to you. It’s that incredible. All this time I had been really uncertain about what I wanted to do. I thought about quitting my job. I thought about staying. I thought about moving. I thought about not moving. I just had no idea. Then, finally, I just decided. I want to teach preschool for the summer. That’s what I want. I have an idea for the future, yes, but for right now, what I need to focus on is that there are tons of signs pointing towards leaving my current position, and while I do the yoga training this summer, I think it would be a great fit to teach preschool. And you know what? I pitched that clear and concise decision to the Universe, and as soon as it heard it, it gave it to me. Thank you Universe.

How lucky I am to be a part of this wonderful place! :D

Patience as a Value

Patience1

Patience.

Does anyone really have it?

Yes, of course. They must! I, unfortunately, have found patience to be one of the most difficult things to possess. It’s hard to conjure up, it’s hard to keep once I do have it, and it’s hard to recognize that I’m being impatient in the first place.

But yet, it’s so important.

And why exactly is it so important?

It’s important because it contributes to happiness and inner peace. I think a lack of patience can lead to anxiety and unhappy feelings. And, really, why are we always in such a rush anyway? Why don’t we accept more things as they are? If things were supposed to be moving faster, then… wouldn’t they be moving faster?

My biggest problem with patience comes when I want something to happen. Nothing can move fast enough and I will impatiently wait for this “thing” to happen. And you know what? That “thing” happens and nothing really changes. Being impatient is like waiting for the future, and while you wait for the future, you miss the present moment, the here and now, your true life.

What is life if not your present moment? Sure, we have memories of the past, and we think about the future, but are those real-life? Not really. Your real life is the moment that is happening right this second in front of you. My life right now is writing this article. Your life right now is reading this article. Nothing else really matters. If you can enjoy this very moment, then you can be happy. And if you live every moment that way, then wouldn’t you always be happy?

It sounds so easy, and I know it gets easier and easier the more you practice, but I don’t think it starts off that way. I do think, though, that there is a direct link between patience and happiness. Being patient means that you can see the value of your present moment and you’re not just looking forward to the next thing. When that next thing does happen, great! But being impatient means stressing and over-thinking, distracting yourself from your reality. And that’s where unhappiness begins.

So, how do we cultivate patience? I think it’s about always staying in the present moment, in the here and now. Make every moment count. Make every interaction matter. Be thankful for each and every moment you have and really live each and everyone of them. That’s your reality. That’s your happiness.

Start by believing it. Try meditating on positive statements such as: I am patient. I am a patient person. I can be patient. I have patience. I have the power to be patient. I am patient. 

Pitch it out there and the Universe will hear you.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

-A xo

p.s. The here and now, baby!

 

Decision-Making: What’s this now?

heart

Part of self-love is being confident in your decision-making.

I’ve been thinking about the concept of “decision-making” a whole ton lately. How do I know if I’m making good decisions? If I make a decision, and a not-so-great consequence happens, do I conclude then that I am not a good decision-maker? Does it mean that maybe I just don’t know how to make decisions at all?

But if everyone makes “mistakes” and we all find ourselves faced with negative consequences from time to time (since we all know that is a part of life), then what does good decision-making look like?

Here’s what I’ve come up with: (Feel free to share your thoughts)

Making good decisions means following my heart at the time the decision is being made. Whatever my heart tells me to do, that’s the good decision. Another word for heart may be intuition. Each of has our own unique way of following our hearts/intuition. Call it whatever you want, I believe the concept is the same.

I know there are people who will disagree with this. They may say that we need our brains, our minds, more than anything. However, I believe if we use our minds too much, our egos may err on the side of worry and fear and consider the future or past experiences too much.

What I have to say is this: I believe the heart does this kind of juicy stuff anyway, but in a less ego-like way. I believe the heart considers the past, the present, and the future while it’s guiding you into making a decision. I think the heart knows to consider what you’ve learned from experiences in the past and your heart is mindful of your future self, and it has the ability to connect these two states to the present moment, to the here and now, and then it allows you to know what it best for you.

What this translates to is that if you’ve been following your heart when making your decisions, then you don’t need to question what you’ve done in the past, what you are doing right now, or what you are going to do in the future because each and every one of the decisions that got you here were all right.

“Mistakes” are only opportunities to learn and grow. They are not reasons a decision shouldn’t have been made. Hogwash! “Mistakes” are not reasons something shouldn’t have happened. What hooey! “Mistakes” just indicate there is something to be gained and learned, and that it’s time to choose differently.

Align your truth with your heart and you will always get to where you are supposed to be. It’s then that we can be safe and secure and know we are making good decisions. If you are following your heart right now, then this is exactly where you are supposed to be. If you’re experiencing a “mistake” then ask yourself what you can learn (and keep in mind that the shadow is just part of the journey).

When we find our truths and align it with our hearts, we can be anywhere we want to be.

In conclusion, if I my life by this value, living my truth and following my heart, then I really cannot make poor decisions and there really is no such thing as bad decision-making.

How do I find my truth? I find my truth by doing my best, taking responsibility for myself, working towards an even better version of myself, all the while loving and forgiving myself and those around me deeply.

To all the self-lover discoverers out there!

Cheers, tears, and love,

-A xo

I don’t only love, I am love.

Confusion and Questions

question-mark

Confusion is confusing.

Following our gut is confusing.

Intuition, feelings, thoughts, worry, anxiety, fear. All confusing.

Not knowing what to trust. Confusing.

My mind feels like it could just burst from confusion.

I have to trust myself. I have to trust my gut. I have to trust that I can be okay. I have to trust that I am strong. I have to trust that I am powerful. I have to trust that I am the master of my universe.

My questions:

Why trust anxiety?

Why trust fear?

Why trust worry more than trusting love?

Why not trust love?

Why not trust pure, unabashed love?

What are we so afraid of?

Are we conditioned to believe love cannot be pure?

Why do we fear so much?

Does worry really prevent bad from happening? Can it simultaneously prevent some good from happening?

I will go meditate on this. Let go. Love. Release. Love. I love you.

Namaste.

Goodbye

goodbye

Today I am making a choice.

Today I choose that I will NO LONGER have anxiety.

I rid myself of it. Starting today. No more.

I have been making excuses for my anxiety. I have been rationalizing my anxiety. I have been forgiving of my anxiety. I have even been THANKFUL for my anxiety.

But starting today, I do not want it in my life. Today I am done with it.

I am powerful. I am strong. I am the master of my universe.

Today I decide that I do not want anxiety. And today will be the day that I no longer have anxiety.

I am thankful for any and all knowledge I have gained from having it in the past, and with that acknowledgment and gratitude, I rid myself of it.

See ya! Sayonara! Farewell! Adiós!

Peace!

 

Namaste. :)

More Soul Challenges

challenges-soul

It’s an interesting time for me. Lots of transitions. Lots of soul tests. Lots of challenges.

But, alas, I am trying to be thankful for the challenges. I don’t need to question them. I could just accept them. And more than that, I could embrace them and be thankful for them. They are happening for a reason, a reason that although my ego doesn’t always understand (though I give it credit for trying!), my soul knows. My soul understands. My soul knows what it’s doing. I am thankful to my soul for taking care of me.

I own this challenge. I take responsibility for this challenge. It is no one’s fault; there is no blame. This doesn’t have to be seen as a bad thing. Challenges build strength. I am thankful for the opportunity to become stronger.

Focus on what can be learned.

Focus on what can be learned.

Focus on what can be learned.