Frustration

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Boredom.

What is boredom?

I’ve always thought only boring people get bored.

But recently, I’ve started to believe that anyone can become bored. I don’t consider myself a boring person. In fact, I consider myself spontaneous, exciting, funny, fun, thoughtful, etc. This is not to toot my own horn. I really just don’t think I am a boring person.

So, why the heck have I felt so bored today?

Mostly, I think it’s just because I have a boring job. I sit in a cubicle, all day, by myself with minimal interaction with other humans. My job requires little-to-no brain power and I can finish everything that is expected of me in one day within an hour if I truly worked hard. What do I think about this? I think it’s ridiculous. I think this is a huge contributor of my boredom and unhappiness.

I think my boredom is a sign of something hugely more significant. I think this boredom is trying to tell me something. I think it’s been trying to tell me for a months now. I am not on the right path. I am not doing something I love or care about. I am not living to my full potential.

This is so clear to me, and yet it’s so easy to feel stuck. We all need to pay bills. We want to have health insurance. Of course, on a lighter, but still human level, we all want to feel like we have some place to wake up and go to every morning. But what do you do when you really feel like you are just spinning your wheels, living every day in and out, in complete and utter boredom?

I know I have a dream. I know there is a path that I truly want to take, and I know that it’s not the one I am currently on. But I can’t make time move any faster. I can’t make potential employers call me. I can’t make my current job different than it is. Every day I come in bright and cheery, ready for a day of excitement, challenge, and passion, and everyday I struggle as I watch the clock and the hours of my miserable, boring life go by.

I want to do something! I want to take action! I want to wake up and feel excited everyday, to go to work, to do something I care about, to make a difference in this world for once. I don’t want to sit behind a desk, alone and bored, waiting for something to happen – waiting for an email that will change my life. I want to actually make something happen. But what?! What can I do?? I’ve applied to a bunch of jobs. I cannot make them offer me a position.

I am doing Yoga Teacher Training this summer. That is the path I want. But the thing is, it doesn’t start for 3 more weeks! (I realize that does not sound so far away) but I am not getting paid to do the training. It’s a baby step that is going to put me in the right direction. But it’s time for something to change NOW. While I do the training, I need to make money. I need to be able to pay my bills. I would like to have health insurance.

So, alas, I am stuck with my current job until something changes. I’ve made a list of the things I am grateful for, and while it helps to focus on the positive, to focus on what I have and not on what’s missing, it doesn’t actually cure my boredom. It doesn’t ignite my passion or my energy. It doesn’t make time move. It doesn’t make employers call me.

UGH.

Today I am frustrated.

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I’m a Yogi

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I’m a yogi. A true, genuine, loving, compassionate, happy, friendly yogi. And I love every second of it.

Yoga has been one of the most, if not the most, beneficial thing in my life– physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. It has given me more than anything has ever give me. Time, space, appreciation, love, clarity, meditation, physique, happiness, trust, strength, gratitude. These are all things yoga has given me.

I love my yoga mat. It’s just a simple, red-orange one. It’s nothing fancy. Most of the times I put a towel over it because I don’t want to get tons of sweat on it, but I love that yoga mat like it’s a part of me. I love it like it’s a family member. I can picture it right now hanging over my closet door.

My favorite type of yoga is hot vinyasa yoga. I love the flow. I love the concentration. I love the breathing. I love the energy. I love the heat. I’ve never felt more cleansed, satisfied, full of love, and full of life as I have when I’ve finished a hot yoga class.

I am doing a hot yoga teacher training this summer and I cannot wait! I could not be more pumped about it. I am looking forward to deepening my practice, learning more about yoga, and becoming a bigger part of the yogi community. I plan on sharing everything I learn here. I think the benefits would surprise you, so if you haven’t had a chance to try yoga yet, do it now. It’s worth it. Trust me!

Namaste.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

-A Xo

Patience as a Value

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Patience.

Does anyone really have it?

Yes, of course. They must! I, unfortunately, have found patience to be one of the most difficult things to possess. It’s hard to conjure up, it’s hard to keep once I do have it, and it’s hard to recognize that I’m being impatient in the first place.

But yet, it’s so important.

And why exactly is it so important?

It’s important because it contributes to happiness and inner peace. I think a lack of patience can lead to anxiety and unhappy feelings. And, really, why are we always in such a rush anyway? Why don’t we accept more things as they are? If things were supposed to be moving faster, then… wouldn’t they be moving faster?

My biggest problem with patience comes when I want something to happen. Nothing can move fast enough and I will impatiently wait for this “thing” to happen. And you know what? That “thing” happens and nothing really changes. Being impatient is like waiting for the future, and while you wait for the future, you miss the present moment, the here and now, your true life.

What is life if not your present moment? Sure, we have memories of the past, and we think about the future, but are those real-life? Not really. Your real life is the moment that is happening right this second in front of you. My life right now is writing this article. Your life right now is reading this article. Nothing else really matters. If you can enjoy this very moment, then you can be happy. And if you live every moment that way, then wouldn’t you always be happy?

It sounds so easy, and I know it gets easier and easier the more you practice, but I don’t think it starts off that way. I do think, though, that there is a direct link between patience and happiness. Being patient means that you can see the value of your present moment and you’re not just looking forward to the next thing. When that next thing does happen, great! But being impatient means stressing and over-thinking, distracting yourself from your reality. And that’s where unhappiness begins.

So, how do we cultivate patience? I think it’s about always staying in the present moment, in the here and now. Make every moment count. Make every interaction matter. Be thankful for each and every moment you have and really live each and everyone of them. That’s your reality. That’s your happiness.

Start by believing it. Try meditating on positive statements such as: I am patient. I am a patient person. I can be patient. I have patience. I have the power to be patient. I am patient. 

Pitch it out there and the Universe will hear you.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

-A xo

p.s. The here and now, baby!

 

Decision-Making: What’s this now?

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Part of self-love is being confident in your decision-making.

I’ve been thinking about the concept of “decision-making” a whole ton lately. How do I know if I’m making good decisions? If I make a decision, and a not-so-great consequence happens, do I conclude then that I am not a good decision-maker? Does it mean that maybe I just don’t know how to make decisions at all?

But if everyone makes “mistakes” and we all find ourselves faced with negative consequences from time to time (since we all know that is a part of life), then what does good decision-making look like?

Here’s what I’ve come up with: (Feel free to share your thoughts)

Making good decisions means following my heart at the time the decision is being made. Whatever my heart tells me to do, that’s the good decision. Another word for heart may be intuition. Each of has our own unique way of following our hearts/intuition. Call it whatever you want, I believe the concept is the same.

I know there are people who will disagree with this. They may say that we need our brains, our minds, more than anything. However, I believe if we use our minds too much, our egos may err on the side of worry and fear and consider the future or past experiences too much.

What I have to say is this: I believe the heart does this kind of juicy stuff anyway, but in a less ego-like way. I believe the heart considers the past, the present, and the future while it’s guiding you into making a decision. I think the heart knows to consider what you’ve learned from experiences in the past and your heart is mindful of your future self, and it has the ability to connect these two states to the present moment, to the here and now, and then it allows you to know what it best for you.

What this translates to is that if you’ve been following your heart when making your decisions, then you don’t need to question what you’ve done in the past, what you are doing right now, or what you are going to do in the future because each and every one of the decisions that got you here were all right.

“Mistakes” are only opportunities to learn and grow. They are not reasons a decision shouldn’t have been made. Hogwash! “Mistakes” are not reasons something shouldn’t have happened. What hooey! “Mistakes” just indicate there is something to be gained and learned, and that it’s time to choose differently.

Align your truth with your heart and you will always get to where you are supposed to be. It’s then that we can be safe and secure and know we are making good decisions. If you are following your heart right now, then this is exactly where you are supposed to be. If you’re experiencing a “mistake” then ask yourself what you can learn (and keep in mind that the shadow is just part of the journey).

When we find our truths and align it with our hearts, we can be anywhere we want to be.

In conclusion, if I my life by this value, living my truth and following my heart, then I really cannot make poor decisions and there really is no such thing as bad decision-making.

How do I find my truth? I find my truth by doing my best, taking responsibility for myself, working towards an even better version of myself, all the while loving and forgiving myself and those around me deeply.

To all the self-lover discoverers out there!

Cheers, tears, and love,

-A xo

I don’t only love, I am love.

I Choose These Thoughts

“When one begins to move in the direction of their dreams, a whole host of unexpected things begin to happen that were unthought of in the moment they decided to move.”

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1. Hold the vision, the intention in your mind in terms of the end. Not worrying about how you’re going to get there, that’s for the universe to figure out.

2. Starting point! Step out into the world. When we show up, even though we don’t know the direction we are moving, even though it seems inefficient. the setbacks, the flaws, they are all steps to your arrival.

It’s not until the final seconds that realize you’re there. There are miracles everywhere! It’s always working. Everyone day you get closer. Stick with it. Even though today looks like yesterday. Until suddenly you’re there. Stay the course! Even though sometimes you don’t see the miracles, they will be clear in hindsight after you arrive.

Walk around as if everything is a miracle. Same concerns for all humans. But we practice. We are all amazing! We all have doubts. “If I worry, I worry.” I can’t stop the fear, but I can read and think about what I know to be true. Life is a supernatural gift. I know that we are spiritual beings. We are literally all miracles. Worry and fear are natural in the primitive times we live. We need to cut ourselves some slack. Confidence to not give up in spite of the fear. Doesn’t make the fear go away, but it manages it. If I worry, I worry, but I hold my head high and act as if I wasn’t afraid and move in the direction of my dreams.

“If you do what you can with what you have from where you are it will always be enough.” It always works. Life is beautiful. We all have  an innate inclination to succeed. We always feel that everything seems inadequate, but it’s always more than enough. In spite of worry and fear, we always prevail.

What is it that you want? Once you can conclude, you start taking baby steps. You show up and you know the inevitability.

“Don’t attach to details. All details are unimportant. The details can excite you but the bigger picture is what we really care about.”

The truth: we all have default settings for friendship, laughter, and success so that we can even worry and be negligent and then be blindsided that the dots being connected for us.

Ultimate goal: happiness – (move towards) health, friendship, clarity, laughter, money … you don’t have to think of these things, they will still come into our lives– that’s how inclined we are to succeed. There is so much love, we are so powerful. Even the humblest of efforts will land anyone on their feet in the direction they are inspired to move.

Where you are is not who you are. You are infinitely more. You get to decide where your going regardless of you where you’ve been. You have an innate inclination to succeed. Don’t worry about your fear or negativity, just do what you can with what you’ve got. Hold on to the vision.

“Your thoughts become things… so choose the good ones!”

“Sometimes when things take longer than you thought they would, it’s just a gentle reminder from your greater yourself that you have more time than you thought and that there’s a journey to enjoy.”

The Four Agreements:

1. I am impeccable with my word. (No more talking poorly about ourselves or others!)

2. I don’t take anything personally. (What other people say and do is a projection of who they are!)

3. I don’t make assumptions. (Don’t assume I know and understand what people mean. Find the courage to ask questions!)

4. Always do your best! (And your best changes from day to day.)

Enjoy the path traveled and you’ll get to the destination! Be okay with being messy, with being a disaster before becoming a master. Enjoy the action without expectation of a reward. HAVE fun and do what you love in life! Do what you love, not what you get paid the most for. Enjoy the action! Live in the moment and have patience with yourself. Do your best. Always ask yourself, “Is this my absolute best right now?”

Be patient with other people. Be patient with yourself! ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST!

Immediate forgiveness. Become immune to the opinions and actions of others. Don’t harbor anger or disappointment. “It’s like drinking poison and then expecting them to die!” Whatever people say and do is a projection of themselves. We become so much more powerful when we don’t take things people say or do. Be gentle with people.

Be the change we want to see in the world.

Environment is stronger than will power. People get sucked into negativity. My wealth can only grow to the extent in which I am willing to grow myself. 

Connect the dot that life is beautiful, that there is divine order. Everything is a miracle. Connect the dots you need but don’t connect dots you can’t connect.

If you want change, define the result. Don’t worry about the hows, just figure out the destination. But that doesn’t mean don’t take action. Take lots of massive action! Dream up your end results… let them be general, not encumbered with details. Everyday, do stuff, but not the cursed hows. Do the best you can and then turn it over your greater self, to the universe. Work smart. Make yourself available to life’s magic. Network, mingle, try websites, ask for help, speak, find out where it feels good. Find out where it feels lousy. Knock on all the doors. Keep trying different things. Where things work, you find progress.

“Have your dreams and show up every single day. Be prepared to be astounded!”

Don’t base conclusions only on things you can see. Miracles are happening everyday that we cannot see. Don’t draw conclusions with our physical senses. Everything will look the same. Don’t draw the conclusion that it’s not working. It’s working for you right now! Everyday you get closer. Everyday it gets easier. Hang in there despite of appearances. You’re powerful. You’re not broken. Keep showing up!

Negative thoughts don’t stand much of a chance against our natural optimism that we don’t even give ourselves credit for having. Positive thoughts align so much more with our natural selves.”

“Where you are is never who you are. You are infinitely more.”

Step towards the light. How do we start? Take what’s good and reject the rest. On a dime, you can wake up to the truth. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Choose the least sucky option and go! Just don’t wait. Don’t worry about hows. Say yes. Have a great attitude. Take micro baby steps.

Know what the truth is. When you know what the truth is, you are free from guilt, you are free from confusion and you immediately begin gravitating towards who you really are. You may seem lost at first. But you honor who you are and who emerges as you discover who you are. You follow your heart and it gets easier and easier and easier. You are inclined to succeed.

These words are inspired by Mike Dooley with Notes of the Universe. What a truly lovely and inspiring human being.

A Moment of Clarity

Moments of clarity cannot be rushed. They cannot be forced. They cannot be tricked into coming before they are ready. They have to just happen.

Sometimes I try to rush them. I attribute this to my ego, my mind, always wanting to know what’s going on, wanting to understand. But sometimes the reality is we just have to let go. We have to let go of the desire to understand everything right away.

And then!

Then when we least expect it… it comes! For me it often comes a the form of a little, uncontrollable giggle. A moment of clarity, a revelation, an understanding about yourself, someone else, or the world. We are all interconnected so when you gain an understanding of one, you simultaneously gain an understanding of everything else.

The most important thing in this world is the relationship people have with themselves. Trust, love, compassion, patience, friendship – all of this is vital to have with yourself. Of course you want it with other people, and it will come naturally, once you have it with yourself.

My moments of clarity lately have been about myself and my desires, my true wants and needs. I’ve always questioned myself. We all do. We are conditioned to do this so of course we do. And sometimes it’s okay. Asking yourself questions is a great thing. It’s when we doubt ourselves that we are creating discomfort for ourselves. As if someone else could know what is better for you than you. Who could possibly know what you need more than yourself? No one. And for me, this took time to realize. Maybe this comes from growing up the youngest, and the only girl (not that is blame or pointing fingers, just something to notice and think about for me).

I am not sure it really matters where it comes from. The reality is that it’s here. But people can’t make decisions for me. I must be able to trust myself and make decisions and know what is best for me. I am the only one that could possibly do this job.