Forgive Me.

Forgiveness.

Acceptance.

What do these things look like?

Sometimes I look back at my past and think to myself, If only I had made a different decision… 

But, this is not acceptance, nor is it forgiveness.

I give myself permission to make poor decisions sometimes.

That’s one way of looking at it. A friend of mine gave me another way.

Instead of wishing I had done things differently, I can tell myself: The version of me who made that decision didn’t know everything that I know now, but she had my best intention in mind and was doing the best she could with what she had to work with.

Respect yourself enough to know that you have always done the best you could at all times in your life.

Cheers, tears, and self-love,

A

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From Frustration To Forgiveness Part II

stardust

In my last post, I wrote about a day filled with boredom,  frustration, and impatience. Today I want to write about how I think there is MUCH to be gained from a day like that.

After leaving work early that day, filled with resentment for my current job, frustration that potential employers weren’t calling, impatient that yoga teacher training wasn’t starting for 3 [whole!] weeks, I spent the rest of the afternoon playing music. By the time I got home, everything had switched gears for me. I had set my mood right and wonderful things were happening. That night I wrote a note to myself about forgiveness and letting things go. I told myself that it was okay that I was in a shit mood earlier in the day. I allowed myself to forgive. And it’s not that I was forgiving the shit mood exactly, it was more that I was forgiving myself for getting frustrated with my shit mood and putting the expectation on myself that I should have felt differently.

I know the truth is that whatever I am feeling in any given moment is exactly what I am supposed to be feeling. The same goes for whatever I am doing. Whatever I am doing is exactly what I am supposed to be doing at that moment. Wherever I am is exactly where I am supposed to be. It’s all just part of the plan. I don’t have to be mad at myself for feeling shitty. What I can do, though, is notice the emotion, observe it, and then let it go when it’s done. I may not be able to change my feelings, but I can detach from them. I can watch them as they come and go, and I can even be thankful for their existence.

The reason I can be thankful for the boredom and frustration I felt the other day is because it was like bright, flaring lights flashing directly in front of me screaming, “You’re not on the right path!” “Make a different choice!” “Do something differently!” “Take caution!” And you know what? That’s great! What a wonderful gift to be given. I am thankful that I felt something strong enough to influence me to notice something needs to change, and to take action.

I cannot stand boredom. I like being challenged. I crave human connection. These are all things I cannot get at my current job. That does not mean I am not grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to learn, grow, and work where I work– instead, it just means it’s time to move on.

Thank you anger, frustration, boredom, and impatience for helping me realize I need to do something about my professional work life.

Thank you forgiveness for helping me let it go.

As a side note, the next day after my shit mood day, I ended up being offered a preschool teaching position! What wonderful news! I had to weigh the pros and cons, but ultimately, I knew this is what I wanted and I was so very thankful to have the opportunity to make it happen. The funny thing about the Universe is that if you don’t know what you want, it won’t know what to give you. But, the second you are clear with what you want, and you pitch it to the Universe, the Universe hears you and gives it to you. It’s that incredible. All this time I had been really uncertain about what I wanted to do. I thought about quitting my job. I thought about staying. I thought about moving. I thought about not moving. I just had no idea. Then, finally, I just decided. I want to teach preschool for the summer. That’s what I want. I have an idea for the future, yes, but for right now, what I need to focus on is that there are tons of signs pointing towards leaving my current position, and while I do the yoga training this summer, I think it would be a great fit to teach preschool. And you know what? I pitched that clear and concise decision to the Universe, and as soon as it heard it, it gave it to me. Thank you Universe.

How lucky I am to be a part of this wonderful place! :D